Shattered

Every day as you walk by I take a deep breath and wonder if today will be the day. Will today be the day you pick me up and hold me? Will today be the day you smile as you take in my beauty? Will you look at me and remember how much joy I brought you the day you found me? Because I still remember. This is our story.

You had just moved to town. You were starting over. You came with nothing but the essentials. A bed, a small table, a few lamps, the clothes on your back and a toothbrush. You had left your old life behind, running as far and as fast as you could.

One sunny day you were out shopping when you encountered me in a small antique shop. You stood there for several minutes overwhelmed, just staring at me. At that moment, I had never felt more loved, appreciated and seen. I am not sure what it was you saw in me that others had not. For I had been at the antique shop several years and no one had ever given me a second glance until you. You approached me with the biggest smile on your face and peace in your eyes. I somehow made you feel whole again.

For months you looked at me daily with that same sparkle in your eyes. It was me and you against the world. I brought healing to your life and you gave me purpose. We made a great team. We had fallen into a comfortable routine. Each day you would wake up, make a cup of coffee, and then spend time with me reflecting on life. And then you brought him home. At first I was excited for you. You had found someone to make you happy.

You told him all about your journey and how you ended up in this small town. You showed him me. You tried to express how special I was. You thought he cared and was interested in your story. I however could see through his false smile. His eyes showed his true self. You can see a lot in someone’s eyes. His were a bright piercing blue. I think that is what drew you to him. I, after all, was the same shade of blue. But if you looked long enough you could see the coldness behind those eyes.

You however were enamored with him. He brought you flowers. He hugged you on rough days. He even cooked for you. You soon forgot about me so you didn’t even notice when he moved me from your nightstand to the kitchen cabinet where the coffee mugs were kept. I slowly accumulated dust and grime. I lost my beautiful shine and missed seeing your smile. All I got was the occasional glance at you when you would aimlessly open the cabinet to grab your favorite coffee cup. 

Summer turned into fall and fall into winter. And there I sat in my lonely corner. I began to long for the days when I was in the antique shop. At least there I felt the warm sun on my face. As winter dragged on I began to hear sounds I had never heard before. At first I thought I was imagining it, but slowly I realized I was hearing the sound of your tears hitting the kitchen countertop. Why are you crying? I prayed for you to open the cabinet and lay eyes on me. I knew I could wipe away your tears. I just knew I could bring back that smile. Then I heard his voice. The once cheerful tone was replaced by this dark almost primal like sound. “You’re such a fucking bitch! Can’t you do anything right?”

As the days went on, that sinister voice grew louder and more persistent. No matter what you did or said it was wrong. Sure there were brief moments of laughter and joy. But in an instant it would grow dark and cold again. Isn't this what you fled from? Why do you tolerate such hate?

Then came the night that changed us both forever. I was listening and hoping to see you as I did every day when suddenly a loud crashing sound stirred me from my daydreams. The sinister voice grew louder and more angry. I could hear your desperate pleas for it to stop. But that only made him angrier. I wanted so desperately to help you but I was stuck frozen in time in the back of the cabinet. 

The sound of his fist crushing into your jaw is seared into me forever. I could hear the sound of your bones shattering. I heard your body smack hard onto the kitchen tile floor. His words flying at you like daggers. Piercing over and over again. Then suddenly I saw light as he reached into the cabinet and began pulling mug after mug off the shelf. He relentlessly threw them at your body as he hurled words of hate. All around you were shards of broken ceramic. In your hair, slicing your skin, and turning the kitchen floor into a kaleidoscope of colors. You curled into a ball to try to escape the reality of what was happening to you. Suddenly, his hands reached in the cabinet desperately seeking another mug to throw. But all that was left was me. 

He picked me up and held me to the light. Those piercing blue eyes taking me in. The sound of laughter like a hyena burst from his throat as he took his aim. The next thing I knew, I too was lying in pieces next to your broken and beaten body. At first I thought you were dead but then I saw the slow movement of your chest. I saw his boots crunching over the pieces of mug turning them into a fine powder and I prayed he would not break me further for I was already in too many pieces.

You and I layed there for what felt like days. You were in and out of consciousness and I was helpless. I wanted so badly to put you back together and make you whole again. Finally I saw life flutter back into your eyes and I saw the moment you realized what had happened to you. You slowly sat up assessing the damage to your body and then your eyes landed on me. You began to sob as you carefully picked up each of my pieces. With tears in your eyes and a small smile on your lips you whispered “I will make you whole again, I promise.”

Over the next few days you slowly healed. The bruises began to fade from black to green and the pain turned into a dull ache. You sat at your desk for hours putting me back together piece by piece using the most beautiful shade of gold. At first I thought I would never be the same. Never be beautiful or whole again. I was partly right. You see, I wasn’t the same. I had changed into something new. I was no longer this beautiful solid blue with a shiny smooth surface. Now I was covered in cracks with rough edges and splashes of gold merging into my blue. I had emerged as this new, stronger version of myself. I was majestic, bursting with power and strength. And as I healed you healed. And together we rose from the ashes like a phoenix.

Several years have now passed us by. I am on the nightstand once again greeted by your smiling face each morning. We are reminders to each other that being broken is not a horrible thing. Rather it is a beautiful transformation that makes us stronger.